Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Miss Him So Much..

I don't know why, I am thinking of him. Yeah.. "Him". The one I call "A bestfriend.." The last time we IM-ed, he told me that he'll getting married.. Somewhere in August. Jealous? No! I am not. I do feel funny though & lil' sad. I just don't understand why people always misunderstand the meaning of BESTFRIEND - especially between a girl and a guy. Haven't they heard about "platonic relationship"..? duh~

A few years back..(around 2004), I had a good friend. A very good friend. My officemate. During lunch time, break time and even after office hours.. we always hang out together. Let us called him "A". "A" has girlfriend and I also has a boyfriend at that time (shud be my ex now). My boyfriend understands the relationship between me and "A". He doesn't mind and gives me his full of trust on me. But, the problem here is, "A" girlfriend. Does she knows everytime I hang out with "A", he is always talking about his girlfriend. Everything..!! And, I'm as his bestfriend and a good listener, I don't mind. Too bad is, they're always fighting because of me. She's been so.. so.. I mean so jealous with me. I'm never doing wrong with "A". We're just good friends. As I know, everytime they're quarrel the girl is always bringing up my matter.WTH~~ Automatically it's make me and "A" feel very disappointed and in dilemma.

Time goes by.. month by month, their relationship have become worst. But, believe it or not my friendship with "A" is getting stronger. Everytime "A" complaints about his gf, i'll just sit and keep quiet. No comment. I telling him, "If you love her, get rid of being with me. Follow whatever she says". "A" didn't agree. "A" said, if we are honest in our relationship and never do wrong, we don't have to be scared. I pray and hope his gf will understand with our situation.. one day.

A year later, aku benti keje. I know, "A" gf must be happy if she knows i'm no longer with that company. The good news is (for me), we still keep in touch through YM and handphone. We never meet. It's really hard because "A" gf always using 'Friend Finder' to find "A" located (one of facilities in M**** mobile). Jerk!!

For me, there's no point to have a relationship without trust and honest. Agree? One day, "A" called me. He said, his gf scolded him because he is still keeping my number in his handphone. Gosh!! And, might be his gf want to call me and asked why I keep on calling "A". Is that wrong? We never meet. Just call and say hi to each other. That's all. Does she know that "A" loves her very much. Never cheated on her. At the same time, I feel so pity with "A". That night, u know what happen. Jeng! Jeng! Jeng! "A's" future mother in law called me. I was nervous at that time. I was just thinking that I did not do anything wrong so, i just keep cool.
Then, I tell the truth to her mother.
"Auntie, sori lau pe yang akan saya cakap ni buat auntie terasa hati. Biar saya terus terang di sini. Saya dan "A" hanya berkawan baik. Lgpn saya ade boyfriend. Dan akan berkahwin (masa ni arr..). Sepanjang saya berkawan dengan "A", dia selalu memuji anak auntie. Malah ada niat nak berkahwin dengan anak auntie. Saya xnk cakap banyak. Cume 1. Cakap dengan anak auntie, lau nak hubungan dia dan "A" kekal sampai bila2, kena ada kepercayaan & kejujuran. Itu yang "A" pegang selama ini". (Fuh! Panjang giler aku cakap!!)

After that, I called A. I told him that I love him so much (as a friend only). So, if you love our friendship, don't call me anymore. You have a gf who loves u so much. Take care of her. (If I not mistaken, that was the last time I called him).

Skang da August. Aku pon xtau dia da kawin ke blom. Yg pasti lau dapat kad nt, aku tetap xnk pegi gak... Takut nt x pasal2 dia leh gado dgn gf dia tuh.. takut aku! (da jd bini arr ms nih)

Apa yang boleh aku lakukan dari sini berdoa agar "A" and his future wife akan kekal ke akhir hayat + akhirat. And, hope that his gf can understand WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS ALL ABOUT... WHAT IS THE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP....

p/s: Baru lepas chat dengan "A" semalam. Dia dah kahwin. Dia cakap wife dia masih fobia bile dengan nama aku. Huh~
Moga korang epi ending sampai ke akhir hayat. Insya Allah.. Amiinnn..

Sunday, August 24, 2008

People around me...

Hey guys..
What's for today?! *Thinking hard..*.. Erm, let it be a general topic this time. Actually, there is so much I want to say here. Gosh!! I need more ideas. idea..idea..

It's already August. I am going to be 27 on this coming December. Time passing by... and *poof!! I'm getting older each year..duh!~..lolx! I have seen types of people around me. As a start..OFFICE~*

Politic in the office..*rollin eyes*..The bosses, expecting compliments from the subordinates, and there is a time where those bosses looking for compliments from the superiors~wth is that!..*getting emo* ..but that not only applies to the also applies to the employees that is a lil bit lower than the bosses (like me..*rollin eyes*) compliment 'the bos's to get promotion..duh!~ silly~ and yes, I know I am nobody..but that doesn't mean that MY opinion is useless!~ well there are some bosses think they are superb..and opinions from the subordinates are bulls**t..but hey! not all of 'em are like that..^_^ ( current supervisor a.k.a the boss - thousands thanks to her for being a understanding Boss..a nice one ^_^) Ehmm..I haven't finish yet >.<>die-hard-fan a.k.a 'kipas-susah-mati punye'<- ..lolx..I bet u guys understand the meaning of it ^_^ the 'I'll do anything for the boss to gain good name..etc..' type of people..The Malay calls it, 'kipas worang punye'.. Too many types of people in such a small office..selfish, 'die hard fan', plastics..etc..~*to name a few..*rollin eyes* Sometimes, I do wonder, why these people have to do such things..coz, as for me, its useless. I'd prefer to be sincere, in every perspective.. "Friends, they make life extra sweeter"..agree??..anyone raise your hand if you agree!! ^_^ Friends, they come and go, only true friend will stay with us, during the ups and downs..they will always be there..^_^ But sadly *wiping tears* I've once been back-stabbing by a very VERY close friend. It's hard for me to forgive her at first, but after a while, I'd realize, NOBODY IS PERFECT..~~ Like I said earlier, I am so busy right now.. and I mean VERY BUSY.. I know, some of my friends think I left them out and broke some of their promises..a few times I know and I admit it . But guys please, it's not my intention to break the promises..*sob sob* -->"Kawan yang memaafkan dan memahami adalah kawan yang sejati"..itulah pegangan aku<-- *~* To Xuxu & Nabil - Thanx for being a good listener and understand my situation..>.<

xuxu a.k.a. zuzu.. my lovely lil' sis yg nakal & sengal cam aku!! hak2.. mis u so much!!

lagi sorg adik syg.. sana nabil.. sini nabil.. sume nabil.. luv u so much adik.. wek~

Buat Hana;
"Sorry masa ko kawin, aku x dapat tolong banyak. Aku tolong apa yang terdaya saja. Tapi, aku puas ati malam sebelum hari persandingan, aku sempat pegi uma ko & tolong pe yang patut dgn Inang. Congratulations Hana.

Congratulations for both of u (manuel & hana) - (hana, jgn lupe bgtau schedule ko 4 nex yer.. aku nk kawin, ko & manuel mesti datag tau!!)

Part of my x-schoolmates during hana's wedding 9 Aug 2008
From left-Ain, me, Ateh & As

Bila sikap pentingkan diri sendiri menguasai diri, ia akan merosakkan hubungan yang sedia ada. Think!!



I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
"cause my presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is juat too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'dfight away all of your fears
And I held your handthrough all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'd bound by the life that you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along....

Attached herewith one of my favourite song. It's really can make me cried...
(alamak.. emo arr plak.. skempos tol!! ceyy~~)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Honestly, I took a few weeks to think what & how to start writing this blog. I asked myself,
"do I really want to start this blog? I don't even have much time for myself. How do I want to start writing a blog?"...But, I can't stand anymore. After a few cases happened around me... I think I have to.. For me, this is the easiest way for me to express my feeling.

Before I start bla.. bla..bla.. (:-)), let me introduce myself. I grew up at a small village somewhere in Selangor, Malaysia. I have 2 bros, 2 big sis, 5 nieces & 5 nephews..Gosh! they're really make me both happy and make me crazy too.. pheww!(sometimes laaa..) I thank God because I have mak & abah who always give me a 110% support & love. The most important is, mak & abah.. "U guys Rock!!".

I still remember the day I broke up with my fiancee (should be an ex by now..). Abah & mak never asked me why & blame no one; either me or him. Plus, they're only said,
"Adik, mak & abah akan selalu sokong apa jua keputusan yang adik buat. Abah & mak berdoa adik akan mendapat yang terbaik dalam hidup... asalkan adik happy"...

My elder sis, Kak Yong a.k.a "Along".. hahaha... Everytime I broke (dulu lahh), I'll borrow from her. But, I'd never pay her back. Hehe. And, tell u what.. she noticed that. That is because I'm the one and only lil' sis who still unmarried..yet! lolx.. Luv u Kak Yong <3333.>

My 2nd sister Kak Yin, she is so..I mean like VERY nice..and I love bullying her. The best part is, she won't fight back whenever I bully her..lolx!~ Like I said..(the Malays call it "lurus bendul"). I asked my mother once, if she has the option to send which of her daughters to heaven, who it will be.. And my mother said, " Definitely I'll choose Kak Yin". Well it doesn't surprise me *wink wink! -->I know she'll choose Kak Yin anyway ~duh!

Abg Ewah, my big bro, married to Kak Siti -->a Johorian<-- and they have 2 kiddies; Hazim & Asyikin. Hazim is very close to me.. Everytime is "UCU.. UCU.. UCU.." More like I'm attached to him..duh!..I always spend more and more and more money just for him... hukhuk

Abg Min.. When I was a kiddo, I was so close to him. I even joined him to play with the other boys. Hang around with boys' group. Don't care.. Don't mind.. As long as the big bro is still around me. But after he got married, being a father & an asst. manager... we no longer close like we used to be. Yeah, I have to admit that he has more commitment towards his family and the career. Erm.. Abg Min, I miss u so much..